Hello and Happy Monday,
School finally ended on Wednesday and I am so happy it’s summer break. I love this time of year. The schedule slows down, I get to see my children a lot more, and everyone seems less tense.
What I love the most about our summer schedule is that it’s really convenient. We don’t really have a schedule to follow, we don’t have any place to be that requires early wake-ups. For us, for me, it’s easy.
Both Melissa and Michael had places to be this weekend that required some planning. Instead of creating a small inconvenience for Joe and Michael, I rushed to and from place to place so that Michael didn’t have to be ready when Melissa was. When I was driving home to pick up Michael and Joe I felt it – the anxiety, the adrenaline, the nerves. This is a familiar feeling. It also feels awful. I had exactly 1 min to “rest” at home before turning around and getting Melissa or risking being really late to pick her up.
Could I have had us all go and wait in the car for 45 min? Yes
Could I have skipped Melissa’s thing and we all left with plenty of time to get Michael to his event? Yes
Were there some other options that would have made it more convenient? Yes
The thing is, unconsciously, I planned it this way. I haven’t felt that anxious feeling in a while, and I missed it – unconsciously. In yoga, they call this being in a trance. Not being aware of the decisions we are making. Just because something is familiar doesn’t mean that it’s good.
By making it convenient for everyone else, it was really inconvenient for me. When I came to pick up Michael and Joe, I was panicked and frantic. Joe said something like, “let’s take some slow breaths together”, but I ignored it. I wanted to pull this “thing” off. I have been trying hard to put myself first, to take care of myself, and this weekend I failed. I’m actually happy about it. If I’m not failing, I’m not learning. I remembered a great lesson this weekend about taking care of myself.
Tell me your stories. How are you taking care of yourself this summer? I love hearing from you!