I wanted to check in and see how you were doing with practicing courage? Did anything stand out that you’d like to share? I’d love to hear from you.
One thing I did this week was have a difficult conversation with someone I love very much. I had to own up to my own stuff and not just apologize for my behavior, but ask for what I need. This may sound simple, but for me, asking for what I need is a very hard thing to do, because before I ask, I have to figure out what it is that I need.
For some reason, I get stuck in thinking I can do it all, which is ridiculously untrue. And what happens when I don’t ask for what I need, I turn into a version of myself that I don’t really like. Basically, I whine and moan about everything but the real thing that’s bothering me. Hmmm… that might sound familiar to some – admittedly, my children sometimes act like this, so fessing up to this childish behavior doesn’t make me feel great. Why though, why do I (we) do this? Why is it so hard sometimes to say what I (we) really want? Well, the simple answer is – but only comes to me after I sit for a while in quiet. The thing is, I forget to give myself the gift of slowing down, to meditate, to breathe and look inward. When I do, the answers almost always come and I realize it boils down to this:
FEAR!! I’m not going to get what I want – which will play into all my insecurities – “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not worthy”, “I don’t deserve it”. Those are all bull-shit statements called LIES that I like to make up. I used to entertain those lies, but I can see through them quicker these days and what they mask is my inability to love and accept all the pieces of myself. When I forget to wholly love myself, it affects all my close relationships. This is a hard truth – because I know it’s up to me to resolve.
This, of course, still aligns with our focus of the month, AHIMSA (non-violence or least harming). Deborah Adele says, “When we are unwilling to look deeply and courageously into our own lives, we can easily violate others in many subtle ways that we may not even be aware of…” and “How we treat ourselves is in truth how we treat those around us.” Isn’t this a wonderful truth?!
In addition to practicing courage this month I’d like to add one more from Adele’s Yamas and Niyamas:
Questions for Exploration:
“For this whole month pretend you are complete. There is no need to expect anything from yourself or to criticize or judge or change anything about you. No need to compete with anyone, no need to be more than you are (or less than you are). Note your experience. Notice how much pleasure, kindness, and patience you can allow yourself to have with yourself.”
If you have time – I have a recorded 25 min meditation on my website. Check it out and sit for a bit.
Also, incase you missed it… this is the article I referred to in class a few weeks ago and back up to why I don’t teach headstand in my public classes. https://www.yogauonline.com/yoga-research/headstand-and-neck-safety-yoga-what-you-need-know
In love and courage,