It’s the last week of February. For being such a short month, it felt very long to me. Turns out the flu turned into a sinus infection and acute bronchitis. Sigh. While I like going down the holistic path, a few hours after that first antibiotic, I remembered what it felt like to be me. Some would call me stubborn. I would probably agree, but really most of the time, it’s very hard for me to get out of my own way.
This is another great example of Aparigraha. Getting out of our own way implies putting aside our habits, feelings, and behaviors, that we are the ones stopping ourselves from being successful, creative, our best version. This is easier said than done. We get attached to our ways. We cling to who we are – what defines us – a mom, a yoga teacher, an entrepreneur, and the meaning of all of those things – meanings we have heard, meanings we have created, meanings we think other people have defined as those things. What are we without those things? Who are we without those things? I know the answer to this one – we are us. We are our core selves. The “I” without all the history, without the definitions. This “I” is always there, but most times hidden under stuff. That’s what I think I love about yoga the most, it sheds the layers of the stuff.
However, it goes beyond what I just wrote, it’s all the things we claim we are bad at, “I’m not the best at communicating”, “I don’t have a great memory”, “I can’t.
“I can’t” comes up in yoga ALL THE TIME. I don’t hear it, I see it. I see the shaking of heads from side to side, I see the eye rolls, I see the sighs with the shoulder drops. As soon as I see this, I know that that person won’t go into the posture I am asking of them, not that day. I recognize the body language, because I’ve mastered those looks. But, I’m making a conscious effort every day to nod my head up and down, to smile when a challenge arises, and to keep trying to communicate in the best way that I can. I use tools, I found out my love language, my apology language, my Myers Briggs, my enneagram, my astrology sign and rising signs, all so I can learn how to forget what I’ve learned and just be me. I ask all my friends their data, to help me with them. In the end, all I really want is to feel connected and have healthy relationships.
I can tell you this, I don’t know what I don’t know – so help me – do you have a way in shedding layers, in becoming more of you? I’d love to know!
P.S. Physical Touch & Words of Affirmation; Expressing Regret, ENFJ, 2, Virgo Aries Rising – Moon in Aquarius – what’s yours?