Hello and Happy Monday,
In February I added Melissa to a waitlist for a gymnastics class. She loved cheerleading when it was offered in school and she has been interested in flipping and cartwheeling since. Today I received a call that she is off the waitlist and can start coming to class. Immediately I am excited, we have waited 5 months for this. I can’t wait to tell her. I think about what we are doing this weekend and know that even though we have a previous commitment that Joe will understand that this takes priority.
Why I get annoyed is that my ex immediately responds with “I am not sure I can commit to weekends during the summer months.” My heart sinks and I am angry. My children have EIGHT! 8! EIGHT! weekends of FREEDOM during the summer. And with joint custody, that means I get four weekends and he gets four. His immediate reaction triggers me. I wonder if I will ever stop being triggered by his responses?
I used to think that pointing that out to him and explaining that we have been waiting, and five months felt like a lifetime during a pandemic (it feels like a lifetime to a 10-year-old anyway), that he would understand. That if we don’t accept this placement it could be another 5 months of waiting. That it doesn’t matter if she misses a weekend here and there, she is finally enrolled.
I don’t do that anymore. I have realized that I am very grateful for the space between us. It allows me to take my time to respond, which can keep the peace, and help me to stay calm. That’s how I want to respond and that’s how I want my children to see me respond.
This is yoga. Creating space, taking time, keeping the peace, being calm. This isn’t about being right or proving anyone wrong.
Yoga is in everyday life if we want it to be. How are you practicing this week?